Final Chapter: Finding My North..the scene is fall 1990

   North Platte seemed an eternity ago. I guess you could say my half-way point between home and destiny. Small town Oklahoma boys don't usually wander this far from home chasing a set of "eyes", still calling out to them since the first time they saw them. Still here I am on what seems an endless South Dakota road singing every song my old pickups radio will tune in. My windows rolled up now due to the sting of the mountain winds and crispness in the fall air. I remember warmer skies, and a lot more sunshine, pulling off of that old dirt road leaving my momma and dads old farm. Saying goodbye to momma and grandma was always hard, grandmas tears and moms words always making more sense than anything I could ever argue against. But, they could see it in my soul and knew, this trip north had already stolen my heart.
     I didn't pack much, a little scared I suppose of what might actually happen when I met her again. This was after all, the first time we would truly be together without the constant reminder of school, grades, friends, and pressure from parents and peers to prove ourselves. Not to mention the enormous over-hanging fear of an 18 year old boy about to meet the parents of the girl he knew as South Dakota (It just fit her, not because she grew up there. But those blue eyes looked just like that wide open beautiful sky that went on forever). I remember our first kiss and last, since waving good-bye to each other after fall break that first semester. The feelings and never before felt emotions were definitely crashing in as I approached her hometown of Pierre, SD. I always laugh when I think of Pierre. From the first day I met her she let me know, "it's like pier, you know like a boat dock". She never misses a chance to correct my words, and poke fun at my slow country drawl. I guess that's what made falling in love with her so easy. Sometimes you just laugh so hard all the pieces fall into place.
     The moment has turned into anticipation as I turn off the main road onto an old dusty farm road. Two more miles feels like an eternity, I feel at ease though, this road feels like home. The full moon is coming up now, like a beacon leading me to an old front porch back in Oklahoma, a familiar place.... maybe I am home. One last turn, headlights dim in the fog, as I lift up my eyes to see her old farmhouse as I pull into her drive, and just like I knew she would be, waiting on me with tears in her eyes and me in her heart.

Dare I say

I am sorry I haven't posted the past two days. I have been deciding on which way to go with my blog. I have decided it will first and foremost center on love. I will attempt to take the reader on a journey through a love story that captures the heart and ultimately the soul. The story will be ideas I have scattered across many years of my life, ideas I said, not actual events. The story will focus on souls I have never met, but hope to make so real, that the reader feels like they know them. this is the scariest thing I have ever done, trying to bring my words to life. I believe an Epic love story exist inside all of us..... so tomorrow join me, and let us find out where this story begins and eventually ends.....

*I will also add pics, videos and quotes to illustrate my underlying themes... random ideas will always be added to the blog as well, as I have no filter, I am truly a gypsy in spirit, all over the place....Please if you ever feel like doing so, all encouragement and ideas are welcome...Thank you all so very much.... 1 John 3:17-18

Light...

I can only imagine the lives you touched, the tears you wiped away and the smiles you created simply by saying "hello".......finding my way, saying my prayers and loving God everyday on my journey....I am simply passing through, homeless and searching like everyone else for that Mansion on a hill.... Its a process, but I am learning everyday, loving all those I encounter and smiling so that others might see the light inside of me..... Mom, I will make you proud......

An awakening

My journey finds me lost more often than found. Since 2011 I have began to realize just how selfish my journey truly was. Losing everything has a way of re-focusing your true spirit and realigning you with the inner soul we all possess. This embodiment of tangled emotions and scarred egos, along with bruised lives and scattered dreams leaves most of us wondering if life can ever be truth. Though a painful process, I hope in some way this new journey, my soul cleansing, will affect/effect those who encounter me and journey with me in positive, loving, truth centered ways. My story will be boring to some, brilliant to others and life changing to a few, but it will be honest, centered in a great faith I have come to realize has always guided my gypsy soul. Like lightening to my sub-conscious and a seed planted deeply in my soul, a new beautiful creation began to show signs of life, and in that life changing revelation, a grand, epic and amazing re-focus on the true things we are to encounter on our journeys awakened my selfish, jealous pathetic being. True love found me when I lost the love that gave me life on Earth. I truly lost everything, crying on a hill, in a small country town the day I lost the woman I never thought would ever leave me. Mom, I miss you, I love you, and I say my prayers like you taught me to. I promised you I would find the real me one day. I never imagined so much of my life hinged, better yet, would be manifested in my weakest hour. You truly loved me, and in your end you opened my eyes to everything beautiful in the world. I will never be able to explain it, put in any type of beautiful prose or rhyme, but all of your prayers for your baby boy came true as I lied crying on that old red hill. I finally found me, what my soul screams for, I finally realized I am and will always be, Love..... more to come.........

The Way...

 

 

       It is not how I walk on water, but rather how I walk on land.....

A quick guide to my blog page...

OK a quick tutorial of my page layout..
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u can also keep up with the other blogs I am currently following also, located to the right of my blog...
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thank you so much for your interest, ideas and love as I take u on my journey....

Thank you!!!!!!!!

any ideas, or suggestions, please share as this is a complete work in progress..
and if any of you have a specific topic you want me to write about, pray about or study about, let me know.....this ultimately is not about me, but rather to make you smile and change your stars.... Love, I promise it will be the final answer to every question....

Today was not like yesterday...

Excuse me if I seem a little high energy!!! I usually sleep with my head to the North.. Whoa, you, at least some of you know what that's like. I draw from within myself to further myself. My True North, above me always, my Star, my Creator, my God, always my North. I transcend all things to become one thing, better!!! The process is unlimited, ever changing, it is I who conforms unwittingly, but with prayer and meditation I find my source and see a possibility of limitlessness, a wall already broken down and a canvas new to paint. I weave my own tapestry as I am my Author, my life is my journey, subjected only to one Authority, God. In most processes change is difficult, but in difficulty lies the truth, of who and what you are destined to be. In my experience, my process, I have discovered at my core, I'm essential only to better humankind, my existence is fleeting, but life will surely go on after I am gone. So what I do is only significant if it changes the whole, not just the temporary vanity inside of myself. Life changed me very unapologetically, harshly and without regard to myself as it washed over me these past few years, to create a strength in me and a humility to ultimately see, the greater good is Love for others, and a dying to myself. I dream in color, in large symphonic ways, full of music and passion guided towards a peace and tranquility found at our core, when we begin to chip away the bitterness of hate, turmoil, grief and pain that all of us experience in life. But, it is there lost in those sleepless hours or crazy life events I find my energy, my sustainability, its there I realize I do these things to alter your mood from less than zero to vibrant, and color, the true collage that is you. In all of life, time never last.... It manifests itself boldly and says you will live forever, but it deceives, and it mocks you because it knows you will always believe in tomorrow, it is the human way, to dream we are bigger than life itself, and what if we are? But, we all know better. In our deepest darkest places we know better. So, in this life journey accept it is simply that, life, enjoy it, seize it and live fully. But, take the time to just, even for a moment, ask what are you here for? Say a prayer and listen... At your core, I with all of my soul, believe you will on some level find, you are here to change lives..... Embrace that as beautiful. If not, why is there even such a word as love, such a feeling of compassion, or such a yearning for acceptance?

My first blog, a definite work in progress. With your help I hope to tell amazing stories based off your feedback and ideas as well. My blogs will be focused on Love and Life, I will attempt to write a love story that hopefully entertains you and keeps you wanting more, and I will at times give my thoughts on how to truly treat a woman, and ultimately win at love....